Vampire Hunting with Michael deMeng
A Vampire Hunting Kit Workshop in New Orleans
May 12-18, 2014
I have never met a vampire personally, but I don't know what might happen
tomorrow.
- Bela Lugosi
Nixing Nosferatus is not like getting rid of raccoons in the
attic. It takes skill and training but
it also takes the right tools and devices.
So in this workshop you will be using your artistic skills to modify an everyday
box or case into something that will send shivers down the spines of those nocturnal
lurkers. Of course, to make a proper
vampire hunting kit one must understand the type of vampire at large and use
the appropriate method to exterminate.
Before you get to New Orleans you may want to
do a bit of research into the type of vamp your dealing with. In the famous
words of vampire hunter, Hieronymous Grost, “There are as many species
of vampire as there are beasts of prey. Their methods and their motive for
attack can vary in a hundred different ways.”
Take this into account when devising your kit You’ll start off with a nice portable briefcase, suitcase or toolbox and then you will transform it into a home for anti-vampire gizmos. Some of the items that you might deem necessary for you kit are things such as:
- Undead Irritants - like garlic…silver….Britany Spears etc..
- Protective Baubles- amulets, religious artifacts, holy water, etc.
- Vampire Detectors- things that clue you into a vamp being in the room, like mirrors…though a bloodless corpse is a pretty good indicator.
- The Killing Device – things that will get rid of the rascals for good such as stakes, liquid sunlight, etc.
Here are but a few of the possible late night nibblers
lurking among us:
Types of
Vampires
Homo Wampyrus Lamia
Rael stands astonished
doubting his sight, struck by beauty, gripped in fright;
Three vermilion snakes
of female face, the smallest motion, filled with grace.
Muted melodies fill
the echoing hall, but there is no sign of warning in the siren's call:
"Rael, welcome! We are the Lamia of the pool.
We have been
waiting for our waters to bring you cool.”
The Lamia –
lyrics by Peter Gabriel
These are demonic vampires from
ancient Greece…and earlier. Watch
out…they are shape shifters who can appear in a pleasing guise. They are seducers and also child snatchers.
Best places to find them:
Near water
Where children play without adult
supervision.
Tell tale signs
Snake-like body when not in disguise
(sometimes full snake, sometimes just the lower body}
Viper like fangs
Snake scales
Affinity for streams and bodies of
water
Silver (annoyance)
Silver knife (fatal)
Rosemary, salt and fire (fatal)
Homo Wampyrus Nosferatu
Graf Orlok: "Is this your wife? What a lovely throat." -Nosferatu –
Symphony of Horror
These are vampires that had a
tough time shedding there mortal coil…thus they usually quit physically
deformed. They are more like zombies in
many ways…just blood-drinking beasts, with very little finesse.
Hangouts:
Cemeteries – typically their own
grave
Dark alleys
Rural, dark and sparkly
populated areas. Since they are beastly
in appearances they use the cover of night to stalk there prey
Often found in areas with much
pestilence or disease as a way of disguising the cause of death.
Tell tale signs
Hideous looking
Typically bald
Long claw-like hands
Front two teeth are sharp fangs. Rat-like teeth
Pointy ears
Usually dusty or dirty from
sleeping crypts.
Extremely pale
Never visible during the day
Protection
Cross (annoyance)
Garlic (annoyance)
Sunlight –this is the best way
for these beasties (fatal)
Stake through the heart (fatal)
Destroy it’s coffin or prevent
it from returning to its grave – these monsters need to sleep on there native
soil. (fatal)
Homo Wampyrus Draco
“I could see it under
the heavy moustache, was fixed and rather cruel-looking, with peculiarly sharp
white teeth; these protruded over the lips, whose remarkable ruddiness showed
astonishing vitality in a man of his years.”
― Bram Stoker, Dracula
This type of vampire is closely
associated with Count Dracula. They are
the most human like of all vampires and often walk among them. They are extremely powerful with tremendous
powers of persuasion and seduction, thus making them extremely dangerous.
Hangouts
Nightclubs
Dark urban alleys
Subway stations
Tell-tale signs
Canine fangs
Pale skin
Well dressed, often in clothes that
are from earlier eras.
Usually wealthy – High intellect
years of immortality have allowed this vampire to acquire vast amount of money
No reflection
No shadow
Can change shape into many
things…wolf, bat, mist, younger, older.
Protection
Religious artifacts, such as
crosses, holy water, magic amulets. (annoyance)
Garlic (annoyance)
Beheading (fatal)
Stake through the heart (fatal)
Sunlight (annoyance- usually only weakens…not necessarily kills)
Fire (fatal…if the body is thoroughly
burned…must be burnt to ashes)
Homo Wampyrus Sauria
It took us
centuries to make them believe that we are no more than just bad dreams. We
should give them no reason to suspect. -30 Days of
Night
These are vampires who typically
don’t mingle in the human world unless hunting. A close nit vampire clan with there own
language and ways. Extremely violent with
a tendency to binge feed…then go for long periods without nourishment.
Hangouts
Remote places with little outside
contact
Places with long days – Russia,
Alaska, Nova Scotia.
Cold climates
Tell Tale Signs
Teeth all pointed like a lizard.
Usually blood stains around the
mouth due to the ferocity of there attacks
Pitch black eyes
Unusual accent and language- they are a clan vampire and
have a special language of there own.
Protection
UV lighting (can be fatal if in
large doses_
Sunlight (fatal)
Beheading
Vitamin D (annoyance)
New Orleans - Vampire Central
New Orleans is rich with Vampire lore so this will be are base of operation, as we search for the beasties in the French Quarter bars, cemeteries and jazz clubs. Are you ready to join the
Elite League of Vampire Hunters? If
so...prepare to report for duty.
If so then Click Here: http://www.valleyridgeartstudio.com/artventures/new-orleans-2014/
2 comments:
The workshop sounds fantastic. Not sure if I can attend, but I think it is a good idea to have a vampire kit regardless. I was able to round up most of the items for the kit, but the liquid sunlight has me stumped. I called Home Depo and they acted like they had no idea what I was talking about! Wal Mart, Sams club and 7 to 11 were all a bust. Then I thought, well maybe Im going at this all wrong. Maybe I need to contact a tanning salon. They deal in artificial sunlight. Ahh Alas, no success to be found. I grabbed the paper to see if Sears or Lowes was having a memorial Day sale on this elusive nectar. But no mention of it. Although Lowes does have a "Garden Weasel Edger Chopper" that would be successful for a beheading. Im starting to wonder if these blood sucking shifty bastards are somehow in control of the US supply of liquid sunlight. Ill start my overseas search tomorrow. I do have my grandmothers 1950's copy of Betty Crocker recipe book and it seems to have some bazaar recipes so maybe Ill have some luck there. I have an ample supply of New Mexico Sunlight....but....its a dry heat. Dammit, I bet you need humidity to make it liquid...S#@T
Interesting, too bad I can't personally come to something like this. I bet a load of other guys though would interested, if only for Twilight.
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