Thursday, May 23, 2013

A Vampire Hunting We Will Go

Vampire Hunting with Michael deMeng
 A Vampire Hunting Kit Workshop in New Orleans
May 12-18,  2014

I have never met a vampire personally, but I don't know what might happen tomorrow.
- Bela Lugosi

The Workshop:
Nixing Nosferatus is not like getting rid of raccoons in the attic.   It takes skill and training but it also takes the right tools and devices.  So in this workshop you will be using your artistic skills to modify an everyday box or case into something that will send shivers down the spines of those nocturnal lurkers.  Of course, to make a proper vampire hunting kit one must understand the type of vampire at large and use the appropriate method to exterminate.   

Before you get to New Orleans you may want to do a bit of research into the type of vamp your dealing with. In the famous words of vampire hunter, Hieronymous Grost, “There are as many species of vampire as there are beasts of prey. Their methods and their motive for attack can vary in a hundred different ways.”  Take this into account when devising your kit You’ll start off with a nice portable briefcase, suitcase or toolbox and then you will transform it into a home for anti-vampire gizmos.  Some of the items that you might deem necessary for you kit are things such as: 
  • Undead Irritants - like garlic…silver….Britany Spears etc.. 
  • Protective Baubles- amulets, religious artifacts, holy water, etc.
  • Vampire Detectors- things that clue you into a vamp being in the room, like mirrors…though a bloodless corpse is a pretty good indicator.
  • The Killing Device – things that will get rid of the rascals for good such as stakes, liquid sunlight,  etc.
Don’t forget…the most important aspect of a Vampire Hunter’s kit is that it looks cool (vampires hate a stylin’ Vamp Hunter), so you’ll want to make sure you bring lots of nifty adornments for your stakes, vials, case, etc.
Here are but a few of the possible late night nibblers lurking among us:

Types of Vampires

Homo Wampyrus Lamia

Rael stands astonished doubting his sight, struck by beauty, gripped in fright;
Three vermilion snakes of female face, the smallest motion, filled with grace.
Muted melodies fill the echoing hall, but there is no sign of warning in the siren's call: "Rael, welcome! We are the Lamia of the pool.
We have been waiting for our waters to bring you cool.”
The Lamia – lyrics by Peter Gabriel

These are demonic vampires from ancient Greece…and earlier.  Watch out…they are shape shifters who can appear in a pleasing guise.  They are seducers and also child snatchers.
Best places to find them: 
Near water
Where children play without adult supervision.
Tell tale signs
Snake-like body when not in disguise (sometimes full snake, sometimes just the lower body}
Viper like fangs
Snake scales
Affinity for streams and bodies of water
Silver (annoyance)
Silver knife (fatal)
Rosemary, salt and fire (fatal)

Homo Wampyrus Nosferatu
Graf Orlok: "Is this your wife? What a lovely throat."   -Nosferatu – Symphony of Horror

These are vampires that had a tough time shedding there mortal coil…thus they usually quit physically deformed.   They are more like zombies in many ways…just blood-drinking beasts, with very little finesse.
Cemeteries – typically their own grave
Dark alleys
Rural, dark and sparkly populated areas.  Since they are beastly in appearances they use the cover of night to stalk there prey
Often found in areas with much pestilence or disease as a way of disguising the cause of death.
Tell tale signs
Hideous looking
Typically bald
Long claw-like hands
Front two teeth are sharp fangs.  Rat-like teeth
Pointy ears
Usually dusty or dirty from sleeping crypts.
Extremely pale
Never visible during the day
Cross (annoyance)
Garlic (annoyance)
Sunlight –this is the best way for these beasties (fatal)
Stake through the heart (fatal)
Destroy it’s coffin or prevent it from returning to its grave – these monsters need to sleep on there native soil. (fatal)

Homo Wampyrus Draco
“I could see it under the heavy moustache, was fixed and rather cruel-looking, with peculiarly sharp white teeth; these protruded over the lips, whose remarkable ruddiness showed astonishing vitality in a man of his years.”
Bram Stoker, Dracula

This type of vampire is closely associated with Count Dracula.  They are the most human like of all vampires and often walk among them.  They are extremely powerful with tremendous powers of persuasion and seduction, thus making them extremely dangerous.
Dark urban alleys
Subway stations
Tell-tale signs
Canine fangs
Pale skin
Well dressed, often in clothes that are from earlier eras.
Usually wealthy – High intellect years of immortality have allowed this vampire to acquire vast amount of money
No reflection
No shadow
Can change shape into many things…wolf, bat, mist, younger, older.
Religious artifacts, such as crosses, holy water, magic amulets. (annoyance)
Garlic (annoyance)
Beheading (fatal)
Stake through the heart (fatal)
Sunlight (annoyance-  usually only weakens…not necessarily kills)
Fire (fatal…if the body is thoroughly burned…must be burnt to ashes)

Homo Wampyrus Sauria  
It took us centuries to make them believe that we are no more than just bad dreams. We should give them no reason to suspect.  -30 Days of Night

These are vampires who typically don’t mingle in the human world unless hunting.  A close nit vampire clan with there own language and ways.  Extremely violent with a tendency to binge feed…then go for long periods without nourishment. 
Remote places with little outside contact
Places with long days – Russia, Alaska, Nova Scotia.
Cold climates
Tell Tale Signs
Teeth all pointed like a lizard.
Usually blood stains around the mouth due to the ferocity of there attacks
Pitch black eyes
Unusual accent  and language- they are a clan vampire and have a special language of there own.
UV lighting (can be fatal if in large doses_
Sunlight (fatal)
Vitamin D (annoyance)

New Orleans - Vampire Central
New Orleans is rich with Vampire lore so this will be are base of operation, as we search for the beasties in the French Quarter bars, cemeteries and jazz clubs.  Are you ready to join the Elite League of Vampire Hunters?  If so...prepare to report for duty.  


sweet pea jewelry said...

The workshop sounds fantastic. Not sure if I can attend, but I think it is a good idea to have a vampire kit regardless. I was able to round up most of the items for the kit, but the liquid sunlight has me stumped. I called Home Depo and they acted like they had no idea what I was talking about! Wal Mart, Sams club and 7 to 11 were all a bust. Then I thought, well maybe Im going at this all wrong. Maybe I need to contact a tanning salon. They deal in artificial sunlight. Ahh Alas, no success to be found. I grabbed the paper to see if Sears or Lowes was having a memorial Day sale on this elusive nectar. But no mention of it. Although Lowes does have a "Garden Weasel Edger Chopper" that would be successful for a beheading. Im starting to wonder if these blood sucking shifty bastards are somehow in control of the US supply of liquid sunlight. Ill start my overseas search tomorrow. I do have my grandmothers 1950's copy of Betty Crocker recipe book and it seems to have some bazaar recipes so maybe Ill have some luck there. I have an ample supply of New Mexico Sunlight....but....its a dry heat. Dammit, I bet you need humidity to make it liquid...S#@T

Carlos_V said...

Interesting, too bad I can't personally come to something like this. I bet a load of other guys though would interested, if only for Twilight.